About Me

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New York, United States
Young at heart wife, Mommy (Yes my young adults still call me that!)Administrative Assistant, Outlander fanatic and shoe lover!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Reality Bites?

This is Reality

What happens when you look across the table and not know how you feel about your life? I watch the so called "Reality" shows and wonder how my life is so different from the life these women are living. Well an obvious answer is the lack of money...I know in order to have the lifestyle they have I would need to be loaded. But are they happy? I look at all the fighting, spending, things that they have and wonder if that is truley the case and then again I think can anyone truely say they are happy? What is true happiness? I believe that we all have levels of happiness in our lives but can we know happiness all the time! We strive for it but in the process do we make ourselves unhappy because there is an expectation of happiness that we as humans can never achieve? I would even venture to say that when I look at the faces of most people I encounter I feel that there is a great sadness below the surface...even if they seem happy on the outside.
There are many things that bring me great joy. My children for one and knowing that I have a husband who truley loves me. But again I question "Is that enough"? Behind those joys are fear and pain. I fear for my children growing up in a world where people are unhappy, self-centered and driven by the almighty dollar. Life is mundane for the most part for most people but our younger generation seems to think that they can all be famous and live a spectacular life of glitz and glamour. How sad that most of them will be disappointed? We all work hard as parents to boost our childrens' confidence, tell them they can be anything they want to be and then hold them when they fail. I feel pain when my daughter cries in my arms because she has a disease which has taken her teenage years and has made her have to face the reality of having to be continually vigilant or else she may die!! Lupus is a silent killer, underdiagnosed, mainly found in women and is an autoimmune disease. The guilt I have as a mother is crushing because I can't "fix" it and isn't that after all what a mother is supposed to be able to do?
It may seem to you as a reader of this blog that I am a very pessimistic person and my husband for one would agree with you, but the way I look at it is I am a realist. This is real life. Not the fancy clothes, cars, lifestyles of the rich and famous. And each person's reality is different. Life is a precious gift that can be taken at any time and as I wake each morning I try and remember that the day is like a blank canvas and only I have the power to create the masterpiece by the end of that day! There will always be things that happen in our lives that are out of our control but we must learn to focus on the positive aspects and leave the negative and unchangable behind. Put on our happy faces, smile at the world and make them believe that we are happy....and maybe, just perhaps we will fool ourselves into thinking that we truley are!!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Let me Introduce myself...

Let me introduce myself.....My name is Fiona and I live on the outskirts of New York City...the "burbs". I love living in the state of New York. I moved here almost 24 years ago after meeting my husband in Scotland. Our story is an interesting one...one I will go into more detail at a later date!! Sufice to say our actual face-to-face dating time maybe totaled 6 weeks before we decided to get married. Our romance blossomed through letters (no, there was no internet available back then!!) and numerous, long expensive phone calls. I arrived in the US in October of 1987 bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to take on my new roll as wife. Unfortunately because of certain circumstances I was unable to work for a full 6 months after I arrived here so my life became a cycle of eating, sleeping and an overwhelming home sickness. I missed my family and friends terribly. I also deceided to quit smoking and come of the pill ...well neadless to say it was the perfect trifecta...I gained 70lbs. My strugghle with weight has consumed me for almost all of my married life. I have peaks and valleys but mostly valleys. But that being said my husband still thinks I am gorgeous no matter what weight I am!! This is just the beginning of my blogging journey and as I progress I will go into more details about my joys and struggles. Stay tuned...things are about to get really interesting!!!